Sean Beaudoin is back and at it again, this this with a book about zombies.
Sure, there’s Z and Zach and The Undead and Ghouls. But aren’t we all sick to (near) death with how boring and clichéd those handles sound? Yes. Yes, we are.
The Five Best Totally Underutilized Nicknames for Zombies
1. Necrosapiens-has the advantage of sounding scientific and vaguely Latinate. Gets a little “dead” in there without knocking you over the head with it. References our species while clearly delineating something non-human. Rolls off the tongue. Sounds like a killer thrash metal band. Tons of potential.
2. Target Practice-destined to be loved by the militia and hoarder/bunker crowd, this name is refreshingly to the point. See a zombie shambling toward your reinforced compound at a distance of 200 yards? Go ahead and line him up in your night vision scope and triangulate the brain stem. So what else are you going to call the dude?
3. Red Zeppelins-The biggest problem with the zombie movement and apocalypse culture in general is its lack of willingness to rock a whole lot harder. And if you’re going to rock, why not do it classically? Led Zeppelin would no doubt approve and totally decline the option of sic-ing their crack team of industry and copyright lawyers on you every time you uttered it. Besides, zombies are dead. That means they’re rotting. Which means they’re full of noxious gases. Which would very likely cause them to bloat, especially on a sunny day. Why wouldn’t they blimp up like a zeppelin? So it’s accurate and makes sense. Stop laughing at me. I mean it.
4. Shamburglers-Of all the wonderful and lovable characters in the McDonald’s stable of meat patty-identifying icons, The Hamburgler is no doubt the least understood. Always my favorite, with his upturned nose, gap-toothed grin, and penchant for theft, he seems the perfect vehicle to convince children to love and trust zombies in much the same way that Grimace and Mayor McCheese are so effective at communicating the notion that a nine-thousand calorie lunch/lard infusion is a smart and healthy choice. “Hey, kids, look! Here comes The Shamburgler! Run! Or don’t!” Either way, you don’t really need to sweat it about your spilled fries anymore.
5. Uncle Zeddie-In the end, doesn’t the overall zombie presence remind you of nothing so much as your Uncle Freddie, who has been sleeping on the couch for months and keeps pretending his lumbago is acting up every time your parents ask him when he’s getting a job and moving out? Zombies have very little ambition or drive. They never shave. They could always use a shower and maybe a few sets of sit-ups. They steal your food, even if your food is you. Zombies are your Uncle Fred. Except Uncle Fred is now dead, so he’s Zed. Perfect.
(note: all these names are now patented. Please send a nickel to the address below each time you type or speak one. Thanks.)
And now here's your chance to win a copy of Sean Beaudoin's new book!
(3) lucky winners will receive The Infects by Sean Beaudoin
courtesy of Candlewick Press
- US mailing addresses only.
- Contest ends 10/21/12, at 9 p.m. EST.
And don't forget to find Sean Beaudoin online at his website: www.seanbeaudoin.com; on Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/SeanBeaudoin; or on Twitter: https://twitter.com/seanbeaudoin.